After thoughts
So, in follow up of my last post, I took some action, saw some professionals, confirmation has been made, but in short, i can’t get medicine (which is kind of important, and i’m really trying to sound as not drug dependent as possible here), until i see someone that can do that, because apparently paola really sucks lol.
Anyways, so, confirmation was a bit of a relief, but also such a curse.
Again i reinstate my state of shock and annoyance. A lot of people have been understanding, mostly my close friends, but others…i’m not even sure where to begin with my list of griefs. So i really won’t, to an extent.
I realize i’m a very impulsive person, and quickly dive deep into stuff and then fade, heh but don’t you realize that’s why i want help? That’s not who i want to be. There’s way more to it, if you have time, take a look. Think it sucks having to deal with knowing me? It sucks worse to be dealing with it.
It’s nice to put a name and what not to my constant struggles of the last several years. Granted, i still feel awful, which makes me feel even worse. I should be happy right? Right? I’m not.
Granted, I feel a bit better in the department that i know its not completely my fault. I mean, I’m doing the best I can.
I yelled at my mom for hours earlier, to the point of tears coming out of tears. Again, i’m encouraged to drop my dreams because of the way I am. I’m doing all I can dude…Sure, I could study everyday, til i can’t think straight…oh wait, i do. Every effort i make seems to be beaten, and i have to try harder. I realize that medicine isn’t gonna just magically fix this, duh. I’m not stupid lol, but, a start to something hopefully better.
I’m actually really scared. What’s it like to feel like “normal” people? haha, lame, i know. But i wonder, it scares me. I guess i’m ready, i mean, if i want any hope for doing well with any of my goals/plans in life i kinda need to do this.
This was very random, and i need to do my math
so, when i have a structured entry i suppose ill post lol
