C

heck out this e-mail from my mother:

This has been so hard on me.  Your Dad really wants to try to work things

out with you.  We need another chance.  You won’t have to leave again

because he stated that if it didn’t work he would leave.  Plus, I won’t put

up with it any longer.  I want you to come home for Christmas.  Grandpa and

Ramona will there are 9a.m.   Please come home.  I feel strongly that this

needs to be worked out.  Your Dad knows that he needs help.  I told him if

doesn’t get it or quits then he needs to leave.  He has agreed to seek

family counseling as well as individual.  Please come home for Christmas.

If we can’t work it out then you can go back.  This is killing me.  I need

you home.  My heart hurts so bad and I cry every time I think about you.  I

want my family whole and I know that we need to get this worked out.  At

least try.  If it doesn’t then you’re Dad will leave (Grandpa said he would

make sure of it).  Your Dad knows how badly he has hurt you and wants to

apologize for it.  Give him a chance to say it and try to make things better

between you to.  He has seen what he has done is bad and needs this chance.

I’m sorry I was forcing the issue.  I just want you home so we could work it

out.

At least, come home for Christmas and you can be back at Mawzie’s by noon or

earlier.  We won’t talk about what happened just have a family Christmas.

Nothing more. 

Please.

Mom

—————————————————————————

MY REPLY:

I’ve given you all like 10 years of chances, It’s never going to change.

And after you said that you would rather have me in Juvinille Detention and

in police custody, I see no love at all from you guys. I heard him say you

can stay at your Grandma’s “TEMPORARILY”. He is still just as large of a

smart-a$$ now as he was then.

I have NO PROOF he is going to change. NO PROOF at all. And even if I did

come back… do you really think al those feelings I have towards you guys

are ever going to change? I have no motive to be “FAMILY” anymore. It’s not

MAWZIE, it’s not DONNA. it’s me taht wants to stay seperated. If I went home,

I would never sleep, never eat, nothing. It would all go back the same…

Just let me go! If you come and get me, I’ll run away! I’d rather be in jail,

that’s where you want me isn’t it? If we even do the “family-counseling” you

won’t want me after that.

You’ll find out worse stuff then you want to hear.

Don’t hurt yourself more! Let me go… maybe after a LONG-LONG break I might

be able to look at you. But just a glimpse of you guys brings back all that

horror. I’m free right now! I’m feeling ease, and understanding! And you want

to take that all away from me? I’m not stupid! I know right from wrong!

Do you know when I left my friends house (They were frightened after hearing me

talk to you, THEY DIDN’T GET TO COME OVER!!), I was so scared, I was shaking,

convulsing and in tears. I almost couldn’t get back to Mawzie’s! I decided to take

OLD KC ROAD because I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it! THEN I SAW DAD! I

wanted to DIE I WAS SO SCARED!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!! I’m going INSANE making

this fifty times worse and it’s killing me!!!!!!!!! Maybe not physically, but mentally

THIS HAS ALL BEEN ABOUT MENTALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m GOING INSANE WITH YOU GUYS, I’m trapped in my head with nowhere to go! It’s

the worse thing in the world! I’m not going to kill myself! I know God’s word! But

WHEN I WAS WITH YOU GUYS, I wish someone would come end the pain for me! I will

never be able to handle it if I go back! NEVER! No matter what! Just… LEAVE…

ME… BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND get on with your life, you still have plenty left.

Just don’t make the same mistakes this TIME!!!!!

-COREY-