Well… Happy New Year everyone! I hope it all starts off good for you guys! I really don’t know what’s going to end of me though. I was able to escape the meeting with my parents and the social worker at their house. Why would they have the meeting at their house? SERIOUSLY? Hostile ground.

I  can’t take much more of this. I’m begininng to feel I’m fighting a losing battle. Everyday I think I’m just one step closer to going back. I don’t think the social workers believe me. It’s just so hard to get these things out of my head. All my life I’ve been told to shut-up, so now I keep everything to myself. It’s so hard to express my feelings. I don’t know if I even have any anymore. I’m so lost and confused, I don’t know what to do. I just want someone to swoop down and take me away!!!

It’s true they never hit me, but all these years, all this taunting with my mind, IT’S DRIVING ME NUTS! If I have to go back, I’ll die. I’ll be alive, but I’ll be dead in my head. There is no escape when you are trapped inside your head. It’s the worst feeling! You have all these things you want to do… but you are unable. It sucks.

Two days ago I was accused by one of my friends of trying to steal his girl! I got so upset. It felt like everyone was against me. I began to shake all over like I was cold, but I felt so hot. I didn’t know what to do… I don’t do those things! I don’t steal people! I can’t take it all of this crap! I’m going out of my mind!!!!! I can’t think straight anymore. Happiness leaves me. I’m going to burst and I really don’t want to hurt anyone. I really don’t, but I get scared.

This stuff builds up! If they would just leave me alone, let me live my life in peace, I wouldn’t be this way! I wouldn’t have to dwell on things, but I have to relive everything OVER AND OVER everytime I have to talk to someonem and each time I tell it, it seems less effective. GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!!

-Talk to you all soon-