Tuesday, March 22, 2005
I’m kinda sick and tired of being made into property. Now my parents are trying to use God against me. What way will they use now? What a crappy life. Those I love don’t want to be with me and those I dislike won’t stay away. Every time I get one of these emails I just get more angry. My mother tries to sound like a dang philosopher. She’s constantly trying to sound proffesional and I hate it. It’s like talking to a text book. Then I get the nice quotes at the bottom and then a translation of their meaning. I swear she probably went through and proofread this thing, no doubt. She’s nagging at me and half of what she says in untrue. Like the part where she says she says she wasn’t being confrontational. My grandma said she called and was demanding all this crap. She’s back to the forceful technique. Next is sympathy, then bibliocal, then forceful, then symapthy, then bibliocal. It never ends. She won’t just accept things.The girls don’t want to see my grandma and I don’t want to see her. Is it really that hard to figure out? She has the exact same example of me right beneath her nose. I’m tired. Even worseo the one person that could bring light into my world just about shot me down. I’m a complete and total failure… I know nothing. I’m numb to hate now. There’s no love in this world for me.
Please read this lovely email from my mother textbook:
I wanted to let you know that I called your Mawzie last week to let her know
that I still need to sign your permission slips and call you in to school
when you are sick. Also, make appointments for the doctor if you need it.
While you may be living with your Mawzie, I still have custody of you and
I’m legally responsible for you. This is just a fact. I never threatened
your Mawzie. I just asked if she would do this for me. Laura Lee said that
I should call her and that she had talked to her and she agreed not to be
confrontational. I also agreed not to be confrontational and I wasn’t. I
want the best for you but I also have to be legally responsible for you.
I haven’t kept the girls from your Mawzie. I never told them they couldn’t
see her or talk to her. They just don’t want to right now. They are going
to be 14 years old and can make that decision for themselves. They have
even expressed this to Laura Lee while she talked to them at school. There
was no interference from your dad or me. Just Laura Lee and the girls.
I understand that you are hurt but it’s time to move on. We can’t keep
going on like this. Our family needs to be healed. I’m sorry to say this
but you’re the key to it being healed. Your dad and I have taken a lot of
steps to get our family healed but you need to help as well. I’m not saying
you have to move back in with us but you need to move past the hurt now and
start helping to heal our family. My mother and I were really close and I
miss this but I can’t heal the relationship because she believes that there
has to be sides (yours or mine).
No one is absolutely right or wrong in this situation. Everyone has made
mistakes in this situation. Do we live in the past and continue to hold
people for their past mistakes even though they have done their best to
correct the situation? We all have overacted and said and did things we
regret now but we can’t go back. We can only move forward and do our best
to see that the past doesn’t predict our future.
Right now you’re the key to our future as a family. If you let down your
guard and allow us back into your heart we can heal our family. We promise
(your dad and I) to continue to keep the peace and move toward a more loving
and complete family. It will take a lot of work to heal it but it’s time
to do it.
Genesis 50:17 (Amplified Bible): 17 So shall you say to Joseph: Forgive
(take up and away all resentment and all claim to requital concerning), I
pray you now, the trespass of your brothers and their sin, for they did evil
to you. Now, we pray you, forgive the trespass of the servants of your
father’s God. And Joseph wept when they spoke thus to him.
Did Joseph forgive his family and accept them back into his life? Yes
Genesis 50:18-21 (Amplified Bible): 18 Then his brothers went and fell down
before him, saying, See, we are your servants (your slaves)! 19 And Joseph
said to them, Fear not; for am I in the place of God? [Vengeance is His, not
mine.] 20 As for you, you thought evil against me, but God meant it for
good, to bring about that many people should be kept alive, as they are this
day. 21 Now therefore, do not be afraid. I will provide for and support you
and your little ones. And he comforted them [imparting cheer, hope,
strength] and spoke to their hearts [kindly].
This is something to think about. Your father and I are changing by God’s
good grace. We are falling before you and asking you to forgive us for the
evil we have done to you. We ask that you mend our family.
Thank You,
Mom
