So between LSI (Leaders Scholars Institute) and Relationship Development Class (RDC ), I’m finally defining my strengths and weaknesses as an individual. It’s really been an interesting experience. Interesting because, I feel that by knowing myself, I open up paths to helping others around me and this is why:

I feel that by knowing myself, God can use me more. Sounds a bit strange, but, if you think about it, God already knows everything there is to know about me. If I then understand even a little bit of who I am, then I’m tapping into what God knows: becoming more in tune with God.

What are you talking about?

You might be asking, how do you not know who you are? Well, no one really has a fully grasp of who they are. For example, have you ever “doubted yourself” in a situation or asked yourself “I can’t believe I just said that” or even “not realize the way you looked or sounded when you laughed”? The point is, there are many areas of our self that are underdeveloped.

Who are you? As a person you are defined by:

1. what is known to others and by yourself
2. what is known to others and not you
3. what is known to self but not others
4. what is unknown to self and by others
5. (and my addition) what is known by God (that is who you really are)

You may have heard the Emotional and Social Intelligence Model. If you haven’t it consists of four areas that define you.

1. Self-Awareness
2. Self- Management
3. Social Awareness
4. Relationship Management

I just took the assessment and found my three personal strengths and weaknesses dealing with Emotional and Social Intelligence.

My 3 Highest Strengths

1. Achievement Orientation (anticipate obstacles to a goal, take calculated risks, set measurable goals, act rather than wait, seek information in novel and unusual ways.)
2. Positive Outlook (see opportunities rather than threats, have mainly positive expectations about others, have positive expectations for the future, believe the future will be better than the past, see the positive side of difficult situations.)
3. Inspiration Leadership (make activities or projects engaging, inspire others by stating a vision or goal, motivate others by generating emotional reactions, build pride in the group, lead by bringing out the best in people.)

My LSI Leadership Strengths

1. Focus
2. Belief
3. Restoration
4. Developer
5. Learner

My 3 Lowest Weaknesses

1. Emotional Self-Awareness (I bet you’re wondering how I even know if these results are right if I have a low Self-Awareness score, this is referring more to my actual emotions like nervousness, stress, and why they occur.)
2. Conflict Management (bring disagreement out in the open, help de-escalate conflicts, communicate the positions of those involved in a conflict to all concerned, try to resolve conflict by articulating a larger goal that everyone values, try to resolve conflict by finding a position everyone involved can accept.)
3. System Thinking/Pattern Recognition (in social context: explain complex events in an understandable way, see situations as a set of cause and effect relationships, explain how interactions result in particular outcomes, in social context still: identify patterns and trends within random information, use metaphors or analogies to describe patterns or trends, see similarities across different situations.)

My Relationship Development Fears or “Fear Buttons” (essentially what pulls me into argument)

1. Failure
2. Helplessness
3. Unloved
4. Misunderstood
5. Misportrayed
6. Dishonesty
7. Innocent/Victim
8. Self-Depreciate

My Wants, according to my Fears

1. Acceptance
2. Grace
3. Companionship
4. Trust
5. Success
6. Understanding
7. Approval
8. Validation

Now just because these are my strengths and weaknesses doesn’t mean I fully know everything there is to know about my strengths, or lack completely in all areas of my weaknesses. It just means that I am a bit more developed in parts of my social and emotional intelligence than in others.

I’d love to hear from you about what you think. These are just some thoughts about what I have found interesting while at college.

Complications…

Just thinking about things. Finally got my FAFSA done… couldn’t figure out the answer to question WC3. -”Taxable earnings from need-based employment programs, such as Federal Work-Study and need-based employment portions of fellowships and assistantships.”- So I guessed. No, I think I got it. It’s like taking an exam you haven’t been able to study for, lol. It’s amazing how much STUFF is forced upon our lives. All the paperwork, systems, technology overloading, and complications of everyday life can really take their toll on people.

Missing you…

I really miss Leslie today. It’s getting harder and harder to leave her in Kansas. But I love her, and am longing for February 15th. =)

My Shadow Friend
by Corey Campbell

There’s a nagging tug on my heart from a shadow friend of mine.
A puppet to the noise, my shadow dances to the time.
But the time does not recognize my shadow as it wants.
Instead the time moves on, and my shadow can’t keep up.

I feel for my shadow but as I near to touch,
My shadow casts away, departing from my clutch.
I have hurt my shadow, a pain to burn me yet.
Even my sorrow tears, oust no pardon from its lips.

For I fear I treat my shadow, as the time treats my age.
Time does not slow when needed; it continues on its way.
Ignoring the sounding pleas, it runs off into the night.
Nor does it stop then; for upon our awake, there’s light.

I have grieved my shadow and that is why it mocks me,
Yet I still beg my shadow to absolve my past happening.
For I love my shadow friend, even though it cannot see.
And this love I offer it, will continue on into eternity.

Even if my shadow, resents all of who I am,
I will not give up my offer, because it is my friend.
And so I ask my shadow not to leave my side,
But to stay with me and never run or hide.

For this is no ordinary friendship; this will not pass me by!
I will not stop chasing after this shadow friend of mine.
Because if I did not have my shadow, there is but one concluding fright:
I must be surrounded by darkness, without a source of light.