But wait.

There is One who has come before me. Ah, yes… His grace is sufficient for me.

“The end has come!” ticks the lifeless clock.
The drops of memory now must stop.
Get up! Carry on! Walk! Walk! Walk!

I am in this storm. The Lord new I would be in this storm. He knows that I can handle it. He knows that I don’t have to panic. He knows I do not need to be stressed. I can panic like the disciples did when they faced a storm or I can take it upon myself to calm the storm inside me and sit next to Christ who has remained calm and pray.

God is strong. I’m tired of avoiding what he can do for me. I’m tired of putting him at the end of the list. I’ve got to give him my all. Stop becoming a monotonous Christian and actively become a disciple of Christ Jesus. It’s love and compassion that wins the heart, not judgment and persecution.

Christ is real. I know where I’m going. If faced with the knife I must be ready. For I no longer live but Christ lives in me. I have already given up myself. There’s nothing else to defend, there’s nothing else to protect. There’s only God.

What is wrong with us? Really, what is wrong with us? We find ourselves begging for another day and for what?! So we can say how much we don’t like it and complain to everyone how horrible our lives are?! Yet we are scared to give up our lives. What lives are we even leading? Can we even call our existence a “life,” if the only reason we have to live is to keep living so we can further complain about our existence?

Next time we feel the need to comment about someone else’s actions,  we should remember how long we have left in this life. There very well might be a tomorrow, but you are not promised a life in it. The only time we have is now. Every second, every moment we live in, that is our life. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, not even today, but now. Our life is not an existence, it’s a instant. Every choice and every action we make defines who we are.

So now let us choose. Shall we life a life of complaining, a life of demoralizing others, or a life where we love with all the essence of our being?

We talked about prayer in bible study this summer dealing with Nehemiah and how he spent a lot of time preparing for his prayer to God. Nehemiah 1:4 “When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven.”

Nehemiah put a lot into his prayer, combining it with mourning and fasting. In bible study, I referred to a prayer being a like a poem. This really hit me. I spend some time with my poetry and refine it until i get it to say exactly what I mean. I find that I don’t really do that with many of my prayers. They are often quick or immediate and I usually end up saying, “ugh, you know what I mean, Lord.” I don’t really sculpt my prayer into something that is beautiful before God. I usually just blab on about who knows what.

Perhaps prayers, too, can be offerings to God. I realize that there are still times where prayer can’t be refined. Even Nehemiah makes a quick prayer before answering the King. But why can’t I take the time to make a prayer or two beautiful?

A Friend. Jesus.

Lord,

Thank you for friends. They give me so much hope. They push me and encourage me to do things that I would never do on my own. They’re an amazing gift, and when they put their trust in you my spirit grows as well. Today God, I ask you to be here as our friend. Backing us up, encouraging our steps, and never giving up on us. Lord I love your power, your wisdom, and your love. Throw your grace, your eternal grace, down upon each and everyone of our lives. Let us be The Way today. Let each sole on earth know that we are disciples of you Jesus, and let them see the love you offer so willingly today.

In Christ Jesus’ name,

Amen

I should write a few more prayers down…

Simon was a young boy a long while ago. He was a skinny lad with unfixed hair and his auntie would never miss out on a chance to tell him so. He accomplished what many only dreamed about. He was at the top of his game with school work. Every assignment came back to him marked with an A. He hung out with the right people, in the right places, and never did the wrong things. No drugs, no alcohol, no bad grades, no violations, just… no trouble. Yet, this is all anyway had seen. Simon was unhappy. It seems his story, even though it included many accomplishments, paralleled the tragic state of everyone else.

The hallways filled as the last bell rang. The multitude of students rejoiced over the conclusion of another hellish day of school, but Simon’s heart sank. He attempted to delay the end by hanging out with his friends in the school lobby after hours, but one by one they left until Simon eventually had to make his way home. The dread that filled his sole was unbearable. The further away from school he walked the more Simon wore away, until all that remained was fearful mass named Thomas.

As Thomas opened the door to the house he could already hear the screams and shouts from inside. Building up what little energy was left inside him, Thomas swiftly entered and jetted towards his quarters. It wasn’t long before the Scream reached Thomas’ isolated chamber. The damp room turned to ice as the Scream entered commanding him to work.

The Scream was terrifying almost three times the size of Thomas. No one stood up to the Scream without suffering severe consequences. Yet for months now, Thomas had been undermining the Scream, lashing back at him without him knowing. He had been plotting a way to escape the dominion of the Scream.

Thomas began his work and the Scream went to relax on his throne. It wasn’t the work that bothered him, or perhaps not even the Scream, there seemed to be something else bothering Thomas’.

After Thomas completed his daily requirements from the Scream, he slid into his moldy covers trying to rest before the next day. Sleep was nearly impossible, for the Scream entered his dreams each night waking him. What little rest Thomas got was uncomfortable; he woke every morning with a racing heart and sweaty brow. The whistle blew at dawn and Thomas, without delay, readied himself to be Simon again. But something was going to be different about this day. Simon had developed a plan to murder Thomas.

to be continued…

My eyes are red from lack of sleep,
It’s 3:47 and not a peep…

No one is around that I can see.
No one right now is thinking of me.

No one can ask me how I am.
No one can lend me a loving hand.

I’m alone right now, before you Lord.
Speak to me now through your Word.

There are a variety of reasons
Why I know you’re there.

You surrounded me in love
When know one else was there.

You taught me to endure
During times that were not fair.

With painful tears I suffered,
But you were always there.

And when I fell down,
You’re the only one that cared.

And even as I worried,
You told me not to fear.

You guided me throughout my life.
That’s why I’ve made it here.

Oh what joy the words you’ve spoken.
Even those I’ve yet to hear.

You’ve taught me about your Son,
And now I yearn to share:

The sacrifices you’ve made,
Just so that I could be near.

The installation window displays a list of my drives to format and delete. I select the C: drive and press delete. Here’s where things get bad. In order to add a fresh installation of windows I have to hit delete, and then I have to click format. Well I hit delete like I said… and I click delete BUT JUST AS I DO!!!! OH NO!!! THE FREAKING LIST SELECTED MY SECONDARY HARD DRIVE!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I press my restart button with lightening reflex in complete terror! I restart the computer hoping that my data is still on my drive… is it… loading… please be… loading… is it?!!!…. formatted drive… NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So… a test… how do I react… did I really freak out like that? Nope… that was all in my head. I actually didn’t freak out as bad as I thought I would. I thought I would scream… I often wondered what it would be like to lose everything I owned… Well. This has happened before… but I wanted to see if I was too close to my technology friend. God and I had a conversation long ago about this. Whether I could handle it. Looks like I might have it down.

The Resolution and Revival
So I was able to save the data off my formatted hard drive from a lovely software program that reads formatted  disks… found it all, copied it over. Safe… and sound once again. It was mind boggling that it could do that, but totally made sense at the same time… figure that one out…

Life is new again.. *breath*